Done!

I did it! I handed my thesis in yesterday! Yay for an end to all this!

Right now I'm just trying to relax and let go of all the stress I've had. And I think I'm doing a good job so far... what with having a slight sunburn and all.

I still feel kinda exhausted and shaky though, so I'll go back to relaxing now.

I hate this!

So they changed the actual topic of my bachelor thesis. Because they cannot give me data to work with. Which is probably because they didn't really work on it. Or so it seems to me. Especially after numerous questions of mine were answered with "Oh, I hadn't thought about that." I mean, WTF. What is this? A university? Damn.

So I have to re-adjust to the new topic and hand my thesis in next week. WHAT? Next week already? Yes, appearantly.

Right now I only got so much as a glimpse of what to do. I'm reading up on the new thing and all, but in my head it isn't really forming into a new way of properly writing my thesis.

Guess, it's time to scratch the skin off my face. With a spoon.

Oh the joy!

My beloved flatmate, about whom I vented before already right here, will move out! To the end of April at the latest! I know it's mean, but I'm bouncing with joy!

When she moved in here, we were really getting along. I liked her. A lot. She's one of those persons who shine when they smile. Makes you shine a little, too.

But a lot changed since then.
She's lost all her interest in her flatmates. It's not just me, no no. In the last 10 months she mostly confined herself to her room. We didn't meet her for weeks. She slept in the morning, was awake at night and gone most of the day. She stopped doing her share in cleaning our flat. When we tried to approach her, we were rebuffed. Roughly. Judging from the bottles, which appeared in our kitchen to be brought to the bottle bank, she drank a lot. Like, really a lot. I would be dead by now, I think. Or at least vomitting all day. Which would prevent me from drinking even more. Not in her case, seems she's well trained. Actually it's not even funny anymore. Her drinking is part of the reason why we're happy she'll leave. Her character changed a lot. I lived with her for over four years now and I can see how much she's changed. My other flatmate cannot judge, since she doesn't know her that long, but I can, cuz I do. She became grouchy, unfriendly, uncaring and even distrustful of us. Which is ridiculous, because we never did anything to her. She's always ready for a fight, it seems. Not even about something. It really seems she just wants to fight and when we react all calmly she acts discouraged and leaves the room. It's easy to write all these changes off to the drinking and we don't want to do that. It seems like condemning her. But what to do?

Now that it's certain she'll move out, she's already trying to wriggle out of all her responsibilities towards us. She didn't pay her full rent and she's refusing to repaint her room. Thank God we have a deposit from her, which will cover everything. Hopefully it'll cover everything.

But I started off being all happy! The reason not only being her leaving. No, there's more: We already have a new girl! She's really nice! We talked a lot with her and she seems to have the same idea of living together as we do.
We so hope for a new beginning! Makes you all weary having a bad atmosphere at home.

Fingers crossed! All's gonna be better!

Down

Having a big down right now. Don't even know why. Just down.

Feel like I should have a good cry. Right here and now.




Just that I don't know why. This is so weird.



Depressed much?






Hope it gets better soon.

Lent

It's lent! It's been lent for a while already. Ahem. I don't care that my post is not on time!

Since it's lent, I'm fasting. Not so much for any religious achievement, but more for a challenge. Each year I try to get rid of something in my life that is quite dear to me. Just to see how it goes. But this something almost never belongs to the department of food. I have so many restrictions what I can eat and can not eat and how I can only eat x in combination with y, that I'm kinda happy I don't starve. So fasting on food doesn't happen.

This year I decided to quit watching videos on my laptop. I don't own a TV, so watching stuff is only possible through my window and on my laptop. And it takes way too much time, I decided. I love me some japanese dorama, but I wondered what I will do once I can't watch videos anymore. So I decided to try it out. Lent is supposed to be a challenge, I think.

It's fukken hard. I really miss it. I have deprivation symptoms all the time. So I think it was a very good idea to quit watching videos for a while. It's really a challenge for me. For me, the addict. Seriously, I didn't know it was so bad. Like, I switch on the laptop and have no idea what to do with it. Other than watching something (which is right out now) or working on my bachelor thesis. The very good thing: I get a lot more done than usual.

I think I will spend Easter watching the whole Komyo ga Tsuji at once. All 49 episodes. I'm gonna die.

Who would have thought...

I promised a rant about work and here it is. Yay.

Sooo, here's the story. I was short on money (being a student and all, you know), so I got me a job. This was over nine months ago, the contract was supposed to end by the end of February, so I don't have this job anymore, which is fine by me, cuz: It was a dull job. A very dull job. God, I never imagined the job being so dull.
Sure, I'll miss the money, but since I gotsta work on my bachelor thesis from now on, I wouldn't have time to work anyway, so what.
I worked in a civil-engineer-office, just some steps away from the actual site. It was going to be a mall looking like this:

Surprise! It now IS a mall!




So quite an interesting site, because there were loads of stuff going on. Like, manymany workmen running about and working. Sadly, I wasn't often there. Mostly I had to stay in the office and do the most boring things ever invented. Sorting papers and plans and then filing them. Oh, I also had to label and catalogue the papers. Sometimes I did some search on the web for the engineers and made an highly interesting Excel chart. Veeery boring. I could hardly motivate myself to get out of bed on the work-mornings. Not that it would be any different on free days... ahem... but I really dreaded going to work. What I feared most is, that could get used to the dumbness of my tasks. That I could feel okay with it. What kind of person would that make me? This really scared the shit out of me. Thank God I never got used to it, just more pissed off at it all.
Not only was the work boring, I was also always surrounded by smoke. A colleague smoked cigarillos like non-stop. In the office. I hated it. The smoke gave me persistent headaches and also made me stink all over. After work I would come home and first thing take a shower and wash my hair to get rid of that stench. Ugh. Don't want to know how much poison I inhaled during work.

But there were better days! Sometimes I got something good to do. Something that involves running around on site! Okay, the actual task was usually quite shite anyway, but I was allowed to waste time on site for watching the construction workers do their thing. This was really interesting and it's fun to just stand there and watch. And learn a lot in the process, of course. Or maybe I was just dreading going back to the office, back to my boring tasks? Maybe.

Of course there were no unauthorized people allowed to be on site. But how do you see, who actually belongs to the team, when you don't know them all by face? We didn't wear helmets inside the building anymore (although I guess we should have...) and we from the office wore regular clothes, no workwear. But the workmen knew the engineers by face, so no problem there. But as I mentioned earlier I didn't get the chance to be on site very often, so they didn't know me. At all. So everybody there gave me weird looks. "Who is this woman? Does she belong here? Should I tell her to leave? Naaah. Not in my job description." But the look was always given. But one day the office purchased a work jacket for me. Everybody got a new jacket and I was included. Yay!

Wow, they all would now know I really belonged there on site. So I thought and so it was. People greeted me all over the place! That was fun.
When the mall was almost finished, the workmen mostly disappeared and the saleswomen came. They decorated the shops and hung the clothes and all that. They ran around in itty-bitty clothes and lotsa hairspray. And they never even looked at me, because I wore a work jacket. :-D I guess they regarded me a low-level workperson, who they would never talk to. Didn't bother me, but who would have thought what an effect a bit of workwear can have!

Rant about comments

No, not about you nice people who comment on my posts. I love you all, seriously. You read my boring stuff and even find a few nice words for me. How can I not love you? You're great! Anyway, enough about you.
Recently I read one of my blogs from my blogroll, cuz I like them all and read them frequently. I even comment. But only when I got something to say, because I don't wanna be the only one with the nonsense comment. Yeah, I think a lot about what other people see when they see my stuff. And personally I think everybody should care about the traces they leave on other people's life, how small they might be. Sooo, I read there about a daughter who has been sick. Like really sick, with hospital and all. Serious stuff. Every sane person would feel some compassion and a need to help in some way. Every sane person would know that a serious situation like this needs serious people to deal with it all. Well. The first comment was about how the commenter felt with the mother and sends her "a bubble of health" for her daughter. This really stunned me. How can someone react oh-so-cute to such a serious thing?! I can't even imagine one mother on Earth who would be cheered up by this crap! Every mother, who just poured out all her sorrow about her child's sickness would just feel to be treated like a fool by such stupid words. I could have puked.
Instead of starting a flamewar over there (which also wouldn't have cheered anyone up) with someone "who only meant well" I decided to rant about it here.
Dear stupid commenters, please stay away from me. Ah, you already do. Thank you, please keep it this way.