Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Sweeping the dirt out

Currently I'm in a phase in my life (again), where I ponder why I'm not married yet. It's not like I spent my days so far in a dungeon, hidden from people. Certainly not. But still not married... still not married... still not pregnant... getting older and still not pregnant. When my mother was my age, I was already five years old! My grandmother even said this fact to my face once. That hurt.

But I don't want to marry just anyone. I'm not married yet, because I broke up each and every one of my relationships. And I had reasons. Good reasons in my opinion, which didn't always match my partner's opinion on the matter.

I ended my first relationship, because it didn't deserve this label.
I ended the second relationship a few times (he did, too) and made it final after four years of struggling with it. This was sad, he was my first love and you know. I wanted to marry him and have lots of babies. And a house. And two big cars. I wanted all the sugary happiness from the TV-commercials and more. But we were just too young, made too many mistakes, hurt each other too often. We hadn't quite worked out yet who we wanted to be and couldn't deal with each other because if this. It was just too early.
Plus we were a really bad match.
The third one was ended by him, because of his depressions and I would have signed that statement anyway. We agreed. We had always agreed actually, never really had a fight. Sadly we agreed on the break-up, too.
The fourth one I ended because of his depressions. See a pattern forming? Fuck. Anyways, he had big issues and it not only was disturbing for me. He also concentrated so much on "us", that he neglected the work on himself and it made him worse. A relationship should make you better imho, so I left. I'm glad to report he's a lot better nowadays. Not that we would have lots of contact.
The fifth I ended because I was deeply in love. But it just wasn't reciprocated. Nothin' to do about it. Shoganai.
And I just recently ended things with Certain Someone. Basically left him sitting in a big pile made out of his own problems. Which was exactly the reason why I left: He had so many problems and pushed them all onto me. I'm all in for helping my partner (that's what a partner is there for, huh?), but I had to draw a line when I realized it was destroying me.

Not to mention I had too little action in all these relationships. But I guess, this is to be expected since other things also didn't work out. Can't be great in one part and fucked up in the other. Wouldn't be logical.

What about those reasons that piss all the other women off?
Infidelity? I don't give a shit. Do what you want, stay safe, come back and don't ask me where I've been. Lack of money? I've never had a lot of money in my life, I can deal with it as long as there's an upwards trend. Porn? Sheesh, it's not the '50s anymore. He talks too little? Good Lord, you can talk things to death, seriously. It's better to talk less. It's a matter of quality, not quantity. He always, always wants sex? Send him over. Please.

I'm not afraid of things I don't know yet. You got kids? Dunno, bring them on, I might like it. You wanna live in France for a few years? Cool, I'm in. You're younger / way older than me? Who knows, if this will ever be an issue.
And as it turns out, none of these things ever were the dealbreaker.

So. Still not married. But I'm not going to sit here and wait for the happiness to come. I'm gonna go out and get it!

Sunday, September 25, 2011

I fucking hate people!

Especially when they get on my nerves. Which they tend to do a lot. Some days I could just walk around and shoot people!

Last Saturday was one of those days: As I walked to university at a totally inhuman time in a half-awake state, I had to have the bad luck to get to know the janitor. I walked to the back door of the building, pulled the door and nothing happened. It was locked. So I thought "I will just go to the front door and wait for my mentor to arrive. He surely has a key." Walked away, being in total peace with myself and the world. This was when the janitor had to show me all the wisdom he had avaible atm. "The door is locked. It won't open without a key!" You don't say. Isn't this how doors are supposed to work anyway?
Fuck! Just leave me alone! Peaceful mood ruined by stupid janitor! Great.

Last Sunday actually was also one of those: I was in the cinema watching Harry Potter. Yes, I know, it's been out for some time, but I never had the chance to watch it before. Too much to do, too much...well, let's be honest: I missed the last Twilight and Narnia movies with exactly this attitude. Anyway, this one I didn't miss. So I was there and since the movie is kinda dark, it had all these important silent, thrilling moments, in which you're supposed to shiver and fear for Harry, Hermione or whoever you like the most. BUT it was not possible. There were three chicks, who just had to giggle (loudly) in all of those moments! No thrill whatsoever! Since I feel kinda robbed of my money for the ticket, if I cannot enjoy the movie, I wanted to tell them to keep their traps shut. But I concluded this would lead to a fight, so I didn't. I hissed at them. Probably also audible for everybody else. Oh well, the chicks stopped being so damn loud. After they giggled, because they got hissed at. Good Lord!

I wished there would be some kind of punishment for stupid, disturbing behaviour. Something drastic, so it would scare people into better ways.
Like this: People, who make these disgusting fatty blotches on the windows in public busses or trams, shall be dismembered. People, who take the longest time to pay in a shop, because they fiddle with their purse, shall pay with their blood instead. People, who walk annoyingly slow in pedestrian zones, shall be banned from them forever. Okay, this one wasn't so harsh.

They also shall be glad, I'm able to vent it all off instead of making my ideas come true.

Peaceful mood restored.

Monday, September 05, 2011

Sunny day

Last saturday I had a very difficult decision to make.
It seemed like a sunny, warm day and since I complain so much about the lack of summer I should have made use of the sun for some good vitamin D, don't you think? Well, but the consecration of my parish's new church also happened to be on that day. And of course it was set at midday, when sun and warmth reach their maximum. Now I had the coice of going to said consecration or going sunbathing and swimming with the Auction Winner.

But since you had to have your seat in church reserved and I already had my seat for weeks plus the minimal chances of seeing a consecration of a church I actually give a shit about ever again, I decided to ditch swimming. Talk about worst decision ever!

It started being shite when I went out to go to church all dressed for said warm, sunny day and realized it was a hot, hot, sun-burning-from-the-sky day. Damn.
The consecration didn't start in the church, but in front of it. We all stood there sweating, panting and waiting for the start. After some speeches we formally entered the church. As it is, people tend to stand in the way and they forget how to walk normally to get their fucking seat. So a person was placed just in the middle of the entrance showing people where to turn. But I guess I was the only one who had to fight off the association with Mengele. Am I weird? Yes. And lovin' it.
The church is a small one and has never been this full of people. On top of the heat outside it was also awfully hot in there. I sat in the very back (too lazy to fight my way into church earlier) next to a very, very old man. I'm guessing he was over 70. Old people may be nice and everything, but we all know they don't smell like flowers. Old people in godawful full and hot church really don't smell like anything you want to smell. Ew. To top that off... the old man smiled very nicely at me in the beginning and during the service he scooted closer and closer. Ahem... very flattering. Not. I finally worked up the courage to hiss at him politely and he scooted back to normal distance. Ew.
The service by itself was nice and I have seen a consecration now. It didn't blow me away, but I have been there and have seen everything with my own eyes. If this counts anywhere for anything.
Almost at the end of the service the parish's representative stood up and announced the representatives of whatnot would say some "short greetings" now. First up was the substitute woman for the mayor, who couldn't come. As these people are, they don't understand what "short greeting" means and she talked for a freaking long time and it was so shitty... I wanted to throw something at her to make her stop. Rotten tomatos or eggs for example. Then a friend told me that she was only the first out of six and I flipped. I was so not going to endure six of those! After the second speech (it was the representative of the catholic church and he spoke quite well) I snuck out. Before the service had even ended! I escaped to the heat outside and went home. My clothes were soaked (ew) and the sunshine was already set to call it a day. Damn.

Turns out the Auction Winner slept till too-late-for-sunbathing anyway, so I didn't miss anything. But even alone it would have been a lot nicer time at the lake. Fuck.

Thursday, September 01, 2011

Again! And it sucks so much!

I'm having a fever again! I'm feeling really shitty and am in pain, so yesterday I went to a doctor and got something prescribed. A something that I had to pick up from the pharmacy. It was late already, so I had to go to the pharmacy in the central station. Let the fun begin.

I arrived there sweating buckets and freezing at the same time. Plus pain. I just wanted my medicine and then return home. But no, there was a queue. Fuck. Well, being well-educated I stood at the end, waiting impatiently. The queue was supposed to be for all their counters. They had like 6 counters there, but only three were open and some assholes had decided, that they were way too cool for our queue and had created a second one just for one counter. Fuckers.
After like 2 minutes one counter closed! Man, I was so pissed off. To wait now even longer didn't feel nice to me, literally. The second queue died after a while, cause the pharmacist at this counter was quite efficient. And finally, finally I was at a counter and got what I wanted, when two guys came in. They wandered around, talking loudly and being just the usual dumb-fucks. Then they proceeded standing randomly in the way. The pharmacist at my counter said to them, they should stand at the end of the queue like everybody else and they were like "What?! We?! Ooooooh..." Holy shit, like they had never been in a freaking store before. Jeez.
The pharmacist took like forever to sell me my stuff. And off I was.
Did I forget to tell you something? No, I didn't. She did. Ususally they say "get well", because they're pharmacists and all. No, not there. Thanks for nothing! "We don't have to be polite to our customers, because WE are the pharmacy in the central station and the customers come to us anyway. We're the last hope for all the poor travelers and all those who didn't make it to the other pharmacies before they close, so WHAT!"

God, I hate being sick.