Monday, September 05, 2011

Sunny day

Last saturday I had a very difficult decision to make.
It seemed like a sunny, warm day and since I complain so much about the lack of summer I should have made use of the sun for some good vitamin D, don't you think? Well, but the consecration of my parish's new church also happened to be on that day. And of course it was set at midday, when sun and warmth reach their maximum. Now I had the coice of going to said consecration or going sunbathing and swimming with the Auction Winner.

But since you had to have your seat in church reserved and I already had my seat for weeks plus the minimal chances of seeing a consecration of a church I actually give a shit about ever again, I decided to ditch swimming. Talk about worst decision ever!

It started being shite when I went out to go to church all dressed for said warm, sunny day and realized it was a hot, hot, sun-burning-from-the-sky day. Damn.
The consecration didn't start in the church, but in front of it. We all stood there sweating, panting and waiting for the start. After some speeches we formally entered the church. As it is, people tend to stand in the way and they forget how to walk normally to get their fucking seat. So a person was placed just in the middle of the entrance showing people where to turn. But I guess I was the only one who had to fight off the association with Mengele. Am I weird? Yes. And lovin' it.
The church is a small one and has never been this full of people. On top of the heat outside it was also awfully hot in there. I sat in the very back (too lazy to fight my way into church earlier) next to a very, very old man. I'm guessing he was over 70. Old people may be nice and everything, but we all know they don't smell like flowers. Old people in godawful full and hot church really don't smell like anything you want to smell. Ew. To top that off... the old man smiled very nicely at me in the beginning and during the service he scooted closer and closer. Ahem... very flattering. Not. I finally worked up the courage to hiss at him politely and he scooted back to normal distance. Ew.
The service by itself was nice and I have seen a consecration now. It didn't blow me away, but I have been there and have seen everything with my own eyes. If this counts anywhere for anything.
Almost at the end of the service the parish's representative stood up and announced the representatives of whatnot would say some "short greetings" now. First up was the substitute woman for the mayor, who couldn't come. As these people are, they don't understand what "short greeting" means and she talked for a freaking long time and it was so shitty... I wanted to throw something at her to make her stop. Rotten tomatos or eggs for example. Then a friend told me that she was only the first out of six and I flipped. I was so not going to endure six of those! After the second speech (it was the representative of the catholic church and he spoke quite well) I snuck out. Before the service had even ended! I escaped to the heat outside and went home. My clothes were soaked (ew) and the sunshine was already set to call it a day. Damn.

Turns out the Auction Winner slept till too-late-for-sunbathing anyway, so I didn't miss anything. But even alone it would have been a lot nicer time at the lake. Fuck.

1 comment:

  1. "Old people may be nice and everything, but we all know they don't smell like flowers."

    God bless em' and stuff but they don't smell like Dolche and Gabbana for sure.

    ReplyDelete