Thursday, December 15, 2011


Today I wanted to clean up the area above my desk. Loads of letters were lying there, awaiting my decision if they're worthy or not. Worthy to keep, that is.
So I was sorting through them and one was found worthy. It was a postcard from my dad's holiday last summer. I like that he sends me postcards, even though they have no content whatsoever. Just "the weather is nice, we have so much fun here" and never anything more. But the pictures are always nicely sought out and I appreciate the thought. I wanted to put said postcard in the box where I keep worthy letters and postcards. And card games. I'm so very sorry, but they have to share the box. It shouldn't be that bad, I only own three card games. But of course it's bad, very bad. I opened the box and it was filled to the brim. The card games were drowning in letters and postcards and whatnot and whimpering for help. The help, that's me.
I spilled the box's content over my (just cleaned-up) desk and started the sorting process. As expected I found stuff I didn't even remember I still have. Some things I didn't even remember I ever got them!
I hate keeping things for the sake of remembrance! A lot of people tried to talk me out of this, but I still think I have my head to remember. And if I don't remember this or that? Well then, fuck it. I probably needed the bandwidth for something more important.
What is worthy to keep then? Found worthy were most of the postcards from my parents. Not the ugly ones or those with only two lines on them, of course. I also kept lotsa birthday letters, because they were nice and/or pretty. The letters from France I kept, too, even though they are 10 years old and the odds we will ever have contact again are slight. I threw out letters from ex-boyfriends and those who had a unrequited crush on me. Why did I ever put that in this box! Lazy me. I also threw out loads out letters from former BFFs. No point in keeping that stuff, when the friendship died a peaceful death years ago.
As I was going through all those letters and cards that I hadn't looked at for years (I should maybe clean up more often, huh?), I felt that they all were just a burden for me. I mostly stuffed them in this box to forget about them and be able to throw them out some time later. Never would I have thought it would take years...
Anyhow, I reduced this mass of emotional scribble on all kinds of paper (square, round, flower-shaped, with smell) to less than a third. The card games were happy to have some space to breathe again. Peace in the box was restored as they didn't have to kick the letters anymore. My inner peace was restored as well, as I feel much lighter now. Throwing stuff out makes me feel free, light and enlightened.
So not only did I clear the area above my desk, I also cleared the worthy-letters-box and my soul, too. I'm such an hero today.

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