Monday, August 12, 2013

Let go!

I have a bad habit and I can't seem to get rid of it. Which is actually the bad habit: I can't get rid of anything!

I constantly find myself brooding over things from years ago.

Like this thing I said on my first day at school that made a girl in my class cry. I still feel bad for her. Does she still remember? Should I have apologised? Even years later? I wish I could have thought in that moment a bit more. But I was 6 and it was all a bit much.
Or these things my parents did and said to me. All of these things. Or what I said back. And then I brood over them. Why did things escalate that way? Why did they do this and why did I do that?
I also brood and talk (way too much) about the things at work. I want to shut the door at work and leave all work-related things there, but they still swirl around in my head.
I still find myself being very angry at Certain Someone. Sometimes things just pop into my head and cause me to internally blow up about them. I know I'm still angry, because of this deep feeling of betrayal that lingers all over this relationship. But still, there's no need to brood about him, his doings or his children anymore. It's been over two years! Get over it already!

Why can't I get over things? It pisses me off!
How do other people do it?

I don't know how to change this, since I've always been that way. I don't know different. But after all this time of brooding about things that don't even really belong into my life anymore I want to get rid of this!

No more brooding!


  1. When I started reading I thought you were like my hubs that hangs onto things like a life sized Darth Vader cardboard cutout. Or hoarded things like my mom.

    I kind of feel like you when letting things go that are emotional baggage. About 2 years ago I went on a search to say sorry to a boy I really hurt back when I was 16. Didn't find him but I felt really bad. Every now and again I run into people and say sorry for being a total twat when I was younger but I still linger on the feelings of guilt.

    I have recently taken to staring at an object and spacing out to push nagging baggage out of my head. Writing it out might help? Anyhow, good luck with it all.

    1. Material things I can get rid of very easily. :-D

      I tried writing it out, but that seems to make it all worse. Right now I try to tell myself STOP when I get started. ^^ Seems to be working so far.

  2. i'm guilty of the same bad habit, but i call it "conscience" :)

    1. Hmmm, I'd say a bad conscience is something else. It's not bad. Neither is learning from your mistakes.
      But being angry about stuff from long ago... why? I don't wanna do that anymore.

    2. I have the same character point. I think you better get comfortable with yourself because that stuff sits deep. Wasting energy trying to dig it'll never find it all so just try and squash the negatives with positives. Easier said than done but it works :)

    3. I try. But it's really very hard. I agree it's a waste of energy. Stuff's been over, I shouldn't waste energy and time for it.