I'm angry at my body.
I mean, I got a new job and therefore a lot more time after work. I like my life and could now use all this time to enjoy it. Also I got stuff to do. Friends to visit, places to be, mails to write, sewing to do.
But I feel like shit all the time. Depressed as fuck.
As usual I don't really know where this depression comes from. Could be anything (of course life's not perfect after all) and it could be nothing. I just don't know.
I know how to fight my depressions. Go out, do sports, meet people. Stay busy with things I enjoy and mean something to me.
But I somehow feel the depression slowly eating up all my energy. Energy that I need to do things.
To top all this I feel like crying all the time. Every thought that my brain pulls up is so excrutiating I could just bawl over it.
And this morning was just too much. I'm angry. I woke up feeling like shit, because I had a looong dream about my parents and my boyfriend and my friends and it was all mixed with feelings of being unwanted, resented and no-one-likes-me. It was all about these feelings.
I mean... what the fuck is this shit! My body is supposed to produce all these happyhappyhormones to help me! I'm supposed to sleep like a rock and feel rested when I wake up! But this is not right!