Friday, October 25, 2013

Low energy

I'm wasting my life. Absolutely. How, you ask? Well, I live for work apparently. I never wanted to do that, but it seems this is what I do. And I do this without spending fuckloads of hours in the office. The key is my behaviour after work.

You see, I want to live a fulfilled life. I don't want to come home from work and plonk down in front of the TV until I zonk out. Which is why I don't have a TV. Maybe I shouldn't have a computer either. Because when I come home from work I just PLONK DOWN IN FRONT OF IT until I'm too tired and go to bed.

There you have it. I wasn't even tired before. My work does not include rolling rocks up the hill, so I'm actually not utterly exhausted when I come home. Yet I manage to not manage anything. Gawd, nowadays I feel like I've really accomplished something, when I've fixed my lunchbox for tomorrow, got myself dinner and did aaaall the dishes. Honest! I'd even think to myself: "Well done, Michelle!" Hah!
Does it get any more pathetic than this? Does it? I can't imagine.

Why am I doing this? Because I'm all out of energy. Not tired yet, but my energy level would suggest, I'm already asleep.

But there are so many things I could do! There are letters and postcards and emails to write, Swedish books to read (or to ... ehem ... fight through), sewing to do, friends to call, Japanese to study, a household to maintain, a relationship to enjoy and shitloads of other things. But... after work... I find myself unable to do anything that requires active participation. My head is empty and my body is so, so heavy.
So I fill up on blogposts and videos and whatnot. Meh. I don't even have energy to comment! How is this even possible?!

Gah! Do not want.

Today I will write all those emails and comments I put off! Really! I started off with blogging, so it can't go wrong, right? Right?


Wednesday, October 02, 2013

Wrong memories

Everybody forgets things. This can be very frustrating. Mostly for others.

Last Friday, I went to a small, private movie-event. A friend of mine hosts this small event at her house every  few months. Mostly you get to meet the same people there every time. Which can be nice. Or not.

There always comes a married couple, who are kinda funny. The woman can't shut up during the movie and gives a running commentary in the exciting (for her) scenes: "Ooooh-oh! Oh! Oh no! No! Oh. Whew." Mostly that's very funny, because she gets excited at the most non-exciting scenes.
Her husband is nice, but weird. How's he weird? Well, it was maybe two or three years ago that my godmother introduced me to him "This is Michelle" and SINCE THEN he has been calling me Nicole! Pisses me off, actually. Though it is quite comical. So this time he greeted me, then squinted at me and said: "You're Nicole, right?" My smile just fell off my face. I remembered spending the last four previous meetings telling him how I'm Michelle and how weird and so very funny (haha) it is that he always remembers me as Nicole. Not this time, I thought. Explaining and correcting obviously don't do any good here. So I said: "No, I'm not Nicole, but we might as well leave it at that. I have been telling you my name over and over and now I don't want anymore. Call me Nicole, I don't care." I was just so bored. I felt like being in a infinite loop, having the same conversation every time I meet him. He didn't like that: "I can't help it. I once stored this memory wrong, it's not that bad, is it." But nobody ever introduced me to him as Nicole, so where does he even get the idea?!
I just found it too time-wasting to talk about my name again, when I can be sure he'll forget it. That in turn frustrated him a lot.
But I think it's right to refuse boring conversations, when I'm not getting paid to converse. I'm mortal. I can't spend my limited time with stuff that peels my skin off from boredom.

Nicole. Can you believe it?!