Monday, March 10, 2014


Explanation first: My parents are divorced and have been for years. My mother always talks badly about my father. All her time with him was shite and blah.

So last year I went to my mother's birthday party. She made a big thing out of it, rented a room with awesome food and lots of people came. Her boyfriend wanted to make a speech about my mother as entertainment. She had wished for stuff like that. He had asked me to help so we'd deliver the speech as a team.

So he picked me up at the station to accompany to my mother's place. The ride takes a bit less than an hour and he wanted to use the time to show me the power point presentation he made. Started kinda nice. My mother as a baby, as a child, as a teenager. Then a picture of Voldemort. I couldn't make the connection and asked "Why Voldemort?"
He answered "He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named."
I still didn't get it and looked at him showing cluelessness.
So he said "It's your father."
I was shocked. So shocked.
I said "Delete it."
So he did and told me "It's too much, right? That's why I wanted to ask you."
I was too shocked to say much. But what is there to ask! Just switch on your brain and think!

Later I found myself asking myself what he wanted to say along to that picture.
My. God.

There was to be more. Of course.

During the party my grandfather (weird, but mostly funny man) got up to give a speech about my mother. It was funny. He told little stories about her as a baby, then went on about her childhood, her finishing school, starting to work, being all adult and how that wasn't always easy for him as a father. But he just couldn't keep it nice and funny: "Then she married this man and got a child. Luckily, this marriage failed and she divorced him."
It almost knocked me off my chair! Luckily?!
Is it ever lucky when a marriage fails?! I think it's always a sad, regrettable thing to happen!
Also, I sat right there in his audience. The child of this marrige, that "luckily" failed! If this marriage was all bad and better wouldn't have happened to my mother... what am I then?!

Awkward to be at this party to say the least.

At this party my mother's workmates later tried to coax something out of me about my father. I had the feeling they thought me pitiful. I also had the feeling they thought my father a violent, evil and stupid asshole. What did she tell them?!

It's true it wasn't all sunshine, but my father is not the evil man they think him.
Also, this marriage didn't happen to my mother. She begged him to marry her, she decided to have a child early in the relationship. She wanted him.

Of course this can change, emotions change... but does it have to swap to this hostility?

I'm surrounded by madness!


  1. Oh. My. God....... Seriously, it is madness and maddening! I was married once before, divorce is not a nice thing to go through even if it is a necessity. I think it bad taste to go around trash talking an ex, the relationship ends.... move on. I am sure my husband would be quite perturbed if I went around talking about my ex all the time. He has asked but never anything to prying and I don't offer up the nitty gritty of my previous marriage. Absolutely terrible. My parents divorced and my mother never bothered to trash talk my father, though he did deserve it and us kids dislike him on our own accord. My mother never said a mean thing about him. I think I would have left the party hurt over the comment from your grand father.

    1. I couldn't just leave, I was shell shocked!
      Also it might have ruined the whole party for my mother. I couldn't be so selfish. But I left early. ;-)
      I have my own problems with my father, but we actually talked about the past and FORGAVE each other! I don't get, why my mother carries these made-up problems around and tells them everybody. O.o I just don't get it.

  2. I have found that sometimes people do this because they have formed a habit, and cannot break free. In their minds, the person they badmouth, becomes Evil Knivel (is that how you spell it?), it's like a kneejerk reaction really.

    (My mother was the same for a long time, only in our case my father died after a long illness and she had a hard time forgiving him for being "weak" as she put it. I do not attend family functions anymore. It's not worth my while.)

    Nicki (came here via Corner View, pleased to "meet" you)

    1. Hi Nicki, so nice that you dropped by and commented! :-)

      It does seem like a habit, really. She cannot even see my father's good points or how she enjoyed his company for many years.
      I actually thought she was getting over it all, because she stopped telling all those things to me. But being at the party I realized she just told them to other people. :-/
      Maybe it'll all go anway some day.

  3. i find it very sad - all that resentfulness and acrimony for years!

    1. It is very sad indeed. I wonder, if it will stop at some point. So far it doesn't look like it. :-/